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Why is MOM shaming even a topic nowadays? I know I’m old school, and I was extremely shocked when I became aware that mom shaming it’s actually a trend in our society today. The fact that there’s such a term practice by many people makes me sick to my stomach, I just don’t get it, why? After listening and reading stories about mom-shaming, I have to say that mom bullies are the absolute WORSE. I was inspired to write this post after close friends of mines recently had a baby and I don’t want them to be a victim of mom shaming. II want to spread and encourage positivity to all New MOM. I can’t stand when a woman tries to put another woman down, especially a new mom that has no clue what to expect.
What Is Mom Shaming?
Mom shaming is basically a MOM BULLY, when a mom or stranger doesn’t agree with your parenting choice and make ignorant comments. Some may make comments to put you down and make you feel like shit. If you can’t stand hearing of kids being bullied, let me assure you that mom’s bullies are the worse.
Why do Women Shame Moms?
I’m not a psychiatrist but in my opinion, women that shame other moms are so insecure about their own self. I call those people JUDGMENTAL, Ignorant and INSECURE, sadly is how society today is. Whether you are single, married, a SAHM, or a working mom, MOTHERHOOD is extremely hard. Maybe you haven’t heard it quite enough but I’m going to share this with all the MOMs, when it comes to parenting no one knows what they are doing. Every child is not born with a parenting manual so a mom can know how to deal with their child. So MOM’s is ok to feel overwhelmed, cry, or stressed. You are human and you are going through a life-changing experience. You will get through this, and I promise you that as time passes by it will get easier.
How to Shut Down people when they are Mom Shaming you?
So you had a baby, CONGRATULATIONS! As each day goes by it will be a challenging experience, especially as a first-time mom. Like I tell all my close friends I will share with you, Motherhood is hard. It doesn’t help that your hormones are all over the place and the last thing you need is to be mom-shamed by ignorant people. Here’s how to shut down people and deal with mom shaming.
1. Prepare yourself, because everyone will give you advice when you are a new mom. You will get advice from people that don’t even have kids. It’s very annoying and frustrating. The solution, simply thank them for their advice and do what ONLY you know what’s best for your child. As each day goes by only YOU know your baby, not a family member, a friend, or a stranger. Every child is different and what worked for your friend, sister or others might not work for you.
2. There’s nothing worse after giving birth than being mom-shamed by your own MOTHER or worse the Mother-in-Law. I grew up in a Latin old school household, and dam they sure have no sensitivity filters in their mouth. They have lots of opinion from how you should hold your baby to how to raise them. I get a kick out of how they criticize how messy your house is and want to re-arrange your furniture. Sounds familiar! Just know that you are not alone. As easy it is to lose your cool with your mom at the end of the day she still your mom. What has worked for me, I yes her to death ! I do what I want and what’s best for my child and me. There’s no reasoning with your mom or mother in law, you just have to let them think that you agree with them when in reality you don’t. Is not worth the aggravation or stress.
3. It infuriates me when I hear of mom-shaming about breastfeeding. Ok, I’m going to be straight out what the hospital or the lactose consultant won’t tell you, breastfeeding is not for everyone. Please don’t ever feel that you can’t connect with your baby if you don’t breastfeed that is not true. At the hospital, you will get encouraged to breastfeed, and yes I do agree, is best for your child. Whether you choose to breast feed or not that’s your decision. I do have to be realistic, not every woman’s body produces milk like everyone else, and that’s OK….. When I had my son I was only able to breastfeed for two months. No matter what I did to be able to produce breast milk my body wasn’t having it. I’m a healthy woman, fit, and live a healthy lifestyle but my body just didn’t produce milk. Whether you choose to breastfeed or not that’s solemnly up to you, who cares what anyone else thinks. Do what’s best for you and your child. Never feel ashamed or allow anyone to tell you otherwise that you will not connect with your child because that’s a lie. You don’t owe anyone an explication and that’s ok. You will have a few ignorant people that will try to mom shame you for not breastfeeding, simply let them know is your choice and no one else.
If you choose to breastfeed in public where you choose to do it is ok and is legal in the United States. You will get people that will give you dirty looks, screw them. Don’t hide in the bathroom to do so if people can’t deal with it oh well they will survive. I am so disgusted of hearing of mom getting mom shamed for breastfeeding their babies in public.
4. One of the cruelest mom shaming I find is when I hear it’s done by a stranger. I feel like punching them in the face, but I can’t do that. Before my husband left for deployment we went to eat at a steak house. At the table behind us was a couple with a two-month-old baby and at the table in front of us were two women. The baby started crying and would not stop so two women sitting in front of us decided to be jerks and walk up to the couple and tell them to please keep their baby down. Seriously, like they were going to hit the volume button so it will lower baby cries. My husband and I could not believe what these two witches were doing. The baby kept on crying so one of the women calls over the manager and tells him that he needs to do something about the baby crying. That was it for me, I stood up and said not so nice words to the ignorant ladies. I then walked over to the couple, and offer my help. She was so apologetic and frustrated and I simply told her to never apologize for being a mom. It seemed that the baby had a tummy ache, I helped her out, and just like that baby pass gas and went to sleep. We all been there and we know that feeling all too well, so instead of being such a judgmental bitch why not help that mom that needs it.
Prepare yourself you will have a stranger aka Karen complaining about your child. You are a new mom, babies and kids will be babies and kids. They will get cranky, cry, and have a tantrum, and you know what that’s ok. Remember you don’t owe anyone an explanation or an apology if your child is crying or having a tantrum. Is very frustrating but take a deep breath and all will be ok. Just because you had a baby you are entitled to go out to dinner and practice self-care.
5. It’s so easy to get caught up between friends and strangers and not even realize you’re being mom-shamed by people you know. There are many different types of mom shaming and as a NEW MOM, you don’t have to take what anyone says about your parenting choices. You and only YOU know what’s best for your child and you will do what you want. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel like Sh*t because they don’t agree with your parenting choices.
Let’s help each other out and spread positivity to end the mom shaming. If you see a mom being mom-shamed, give a helping hand. Is not fair and not right for that mom feel embarrassed for their parenting choice.
Have you ever been mom shamed? If so what was the most horrific comment said to you? Love to hear all about it. Leave a comment below.